you should have killed me when you had the chance

hey.

saturday evening olli and i found a kitten. well, the kitten found us cuz it was in front of our house and sat there in the cold wind. it was a pretty cat. snow-white with a black tail and long legs. ive never seen a kitten with such long legs before. we called it kitty :D so...yea. the kitten was way too skinny. you could feel every single bone! kitty was sick too. i wasnt allowed to let her in because my mother was afraid our dog would attack it or kitty would attack the dog. but i know my dad loves animals and i told him bout the kitten...he let her in. omg she was so cute and intelligent and faithful and so on...i kinda fell in love with kitty. we gave her dog-food and water. my dad brought her into the garage late at night.

the next morning we brought kitty to a sanctuary. they found kittys owner in about 5 hours. the woman was so glad she found her kitten :) she told us that kittys real name is Mikesh and that Mikesh was missed for more than 3 weeks.

i feel good right now x) take care of your animals.

Hey!

Yesterday Ive been at the fair with Jenny, Eva, Jacqueline and Karina.

At about 8 pm 3 guys came and wanted us to eat their apples. Fuckin importunate and not even handsome. Suddenly, one guy lost his pants. Traumatizing.

Then we saw a little boy (he was about 5 years old) who had a toy that looked like a dildo. I laughed for hours. xD

I have to mention that I met Timo and Oliver. The only two guys who looked good.

Later we went home cuz it was kinda boring. We saw a dead kitten in the middle of the street. I heard a guy saying "cats dont die cuz they are unbelievable sweet". made me smile. x)

It was like 1 am and I didnt really wanna go home. So Jenny, Eva and I sat in front of Evas house and talked for a while. I cant tell you what we talked about cuz it was really perverse.

After coming home I decided to visite a friend of mine. Well..I did. But I fell asleep :D

Next weekend: my.festival  and my birthday

Hey!!!

It's about 10 AM and I'm awake so I post a new journal. Vacation are over tomorrow. I'm kinda happy cuz I'll see all of my friends again. I even missed homework (weird!).

I'm not sure if you know about this guy with green hair (Oliver) I talked about years ago. Now he has blond hair. He is really nice and..I dunno. We have pretty much in common. Just like I did,  he has been through hard times. Boring stuff to tell about him: 15 years old, has a little sister and a big brother, doesn't really like himself.

So...yea. I'm kinda bored. Oh, I wanna tell you something:

I love you all. I know that you take care of me and that I can talk to you if I have a problem. And I want you to know that I'm always by your side. Best community ever! Love you ♥

hey!

I'm back. And I finally fell in love with the nature over there. It's just another part of Germany, but it's so different...

I love my grandma. I know that she loves me and I can believe every word she says to me.

I love my "old" friends, my real friends. Those who know me since I was a child. Those who made elementary school fun. Those who took care of me, no matter what happened before. And they still do.

I'm not sure if I ever felt this way before. The sea, the forest, the people, the air... Everything seems to be perfect. It was so easy to breath (you may know that I've breathing problems at home).

I love you ♥

Hey.

I think I like vacation more than I used to. Right now, I’m looking forward to see my granny again and go shopping in my old hometown.

Furthermore I’m going to visit Empire. Empire is an independent fashion store where you can find almost everything you want (even cute emo and punker boys). Afterwards I’ll go into the city and hand out Anti-Flag flyers.

Another thing I’m planning to do the next weeks is kinda poster with photos of my friends and maybe some other things too.

Love You J ♥

Claudia

hey.

title says all. over 30°C in germany and it totally fucks me. i passed out again this morning for a few minutes. they tell me not to stay too long in the sun.

im happy i can write letters to friends i didnt talk to much due the last weeks. what else can i do?! im drinkin tons of mineral water.

i wanna go back to school. i miss my classmates and all this stuff that happens around school.

another reason why i hate vacation: i have to visit my granny. i love her but we will drive about 6 or 7 hours to see her for 4 days. you should know i hate cars and im pretty sick after 10 minutes of driving.  furthermore i will be pretty bored because its a small town (only houses!) and only old men and women. and all those friends we have to visit..."how are you, hun? what bout school? youre sooo pretty..." - fuck you, i dont even know you bitch! i really have to say that i hate my parents' friends.

the only thing that might be good is the sea and the beach. its my home and i grew up there so im still connected. ill try to take some pictures for you.

enough shit for today.

love you ♥

Hey!

As you may noticed, I got a dog. His name is Elvis, he's 9 weeks old and a Jack Russel Terrier (sp?). At first I was like "I don't want a dog" but Elvis is unbelievable cute and sooo active. He's running around all the time. Well, except the hour when he was sleeping on my legs.

I tried to take some pictures but he's too active right now. I'll take some when he's sleepy so you can have a look :)

Love ♥

Hey!!

Today was so amazing! Firstly, I went out skating with a good friend named Oliver. Well, I wouldn't call it skating because we fell asleep after an hour. Why? I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to call him. I didn't know he was awake, too. But he answered his telephone and we were talking like the whole night.

I went home at about 1 pm. In the later afternoon Oliver asked me to come - he and his friends would have a barbeque. Of course I went there and I'm sure I'd regret if I didn't! His friends are so much fun, especially Silvia. We became good friends in 5 hours ^^ I also got to know two "emo-guys". Pretty weird, but awesome. They were like... I dunno. Timo:' Is this a fly on the ground?'  Alex:' No, it's a leave.'  But I have to mention that this leave looked like fly..kinda.

I really shouldn't forget this black bird. She was so confiding so we gave her some bread. But she is retarded and didn't find it. xD

Hope you had a great day. ♥

Todays soundtrack: 'Bang Bang Boom' by The Moffats... whatever 

Hey!

I should do my homework but as you can see.. I rather post a journal.

So...what was going on? Not too much I suppose. Weather is pretty fine and it seems like everyone's happy. This is why I love spring that much - people aren't as depressed as they are in winter. Furthermore, I have a 5-day-weekend and they say the weather will stay like this at least til Monday. That means I can go outside, skate or just hang out with friends and take a bunch of pictures to post on buzznet. I even plan a collage. I don't know about what but it will kick ass!

That's it. For today.

Love you x3

Hey!!

Today I'm pretty exhausting. I didn't sleep that well last night cause of some really disturbing nightmares (blood, mirrors and stuff...). You may understand why I wanted to go to school today but...it was boring as hell. So now I wanna go outside and run for hours and hours. Freak x__X Anyway, I'm gonna do this because of boredom and I wanna sleep tonight. 

Like Eva said: 'We live to die.' Due the last 3 months, my life changed a lot. It makes sense to me and I wanna enjoy the ride until it comes to the end. Like loving my friends, living healthy and a lot of fun. I also want to be better at school. I learned yesterday without a reason which is a great beginning ^-^ Let's see how far I'll come.

Hopes die last.

Claudia xX

Hey.

So, here I am again. I didn't post a journal since ever. Well, I'm pretty busy (new house and so on). But right now I took a moment to update and listen to some music that brings me down for a while.

What happened... I wrote some tests at school which were not that bad I think. I learned for 3 weeks and got better marks than before *dance* Although, I will not do this ever again.

Next topic is ~love~. Some may know the cute punker with green hair I met a while ago. Today I know stuff about him that should make me acting like "omg" but I still think he's interesting. Maybe cause we have a lot in common. Furthermore, he has a friend who is also a punker and this friend is much nicer than I ever thought. He's like thinking in the same way I do.

Another point I want to mention is that people at my school tell rumors about me. They say I use drugs and I'm anorexic which is pretty shitty. I will never use drugs. I don't even drink alcohol. And I don't suffer from anorexia. Maybe this person says it cause he/she is anorexic himself/herself. Anyway, I don't give a damn about it. They can talk about me if it makes them happy. Just a piece of advice: Don't believe what people say about someone. I know that they talk about others to make life more interesting but it's not fair if they bully somebody just because of rumors. I will ever be on the side of the weaker one and I always win. So they should think twice ;)

You know you love me!    ♪♫

Hey!

today i made my first self-made cake. it tasts horrible! my dad says he likes it but i think its the worst thing ever! well, nothing but my fingers burned so i think it was a success. nevertheless, i wont bake a cake ever again.

peace out

Hell yea, I'm depressed. So what? You don't care at all. You never did. Who understands me? All these emo-kids...I'm singing all day long. You hear that I sing 'its not a fashion statement, its a fuckin deathwish'. I know you won't understand me until you get your own suicidal dream. Scars are souvenirs you never lose. Hurts make me feel real. Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you ever felt. I fuckin hate myself. I understand all these people that hate me...

 These words are the key to my soul. Why I write them down? Cause I need them to get out of my head. But every day there are new thoughts like this. It's my every day pain.

You're sad cause he killed himself. Now he is dead. Wasn't he dead before he died? You never listened to him. You feel guilty. People tell you you shouldn't feel like this. They just say that cause they know they are guilty, too. In this world nobody says whats really going on inside him. The others could make fun of us. But there are more people who feel like shit than we think. If just one person starts to say whats wrong with him, others will follow. We could be honest...Why aren't we?

Am I really that depressed? The rain makes me sick. I'm not able to move. The world around me is smothering me. Help me! I am screaming for help, but all these people pretend they can't here me. They just don't care...Silence is a terrible noise. When I'm dead, they'll stand in front of my grave and maybe they'll cry. I would like to ask them 'Where the fuck have you been while I was alive'? They could have helped me. But neither love nor friendship can save you when you're really lost.

The world is going under...It started a while ago but nobody noticed. Oh you dumpasses, why don't you care? We die until we are dead...Yea, you got an A in math, but this is not what counts. Life is short and you don't know what you're living for...You wnat to enjoy your youth, but it could be over tomorrow. IT is your life. You died due enjoying life. What have you done? Did you change the world? Of course not. You spent too much time on nothing. What about me? I don't wanna die like you.

I hate my family. Why am I always alone? Hey Mr. God, can I exit and join another world? Depressed, left alone and desperate. Why am I alive? Give me something to life for. Is it my destiny to be alone? All you people are so naive. I'm sure you can feel it, so why don't you do anything? This world is so fucked up!

awwwwww =)

this punk is fuckin hott...and i asked for a picture- i cant take my eyes out of it.  his hair is so kewl. brown with yellow-green stripes. and he is nice!

awwww xD

GANDHI

gandhi said: be the change you want to see in the world.

i always tried to be: im always on the weaker ones side. i always help people who need my help. i also try not to be as cruel as some people i know are and i always try to be honest...and everyone calls me so. but am i? AM I honest because they call me honest? i also heard people calling me a good actress, pretty and intelligent person and 'the next gandhi'. im scared. they dont really know me if they call me so. is there anyone in the world who actually knows how i feel and how i really am?                             it was always my dream to be like gandhi was. he fought with words and not with weapons and was never afraid of getting hurt because he has another opinion than influential people- and he reached so much! last year i started a campaign for helping poor kids in ecuador and we collected 912 euros. i was so proud because also my friends helped me. they are really good friends.                                well, gandhi was great and he is a good example what people should be like in this world. i hope someday people will say the same bout me.

peace out

xxsawgodcryxx